Never Really Alone
by odalys-ortiz
Summary: Detective Carter is trying to find a way to cure her anxiety. Can a certain vigilante help her? This takes place during the first season after Flesh and Blood. Carter/Reese pairing. Enjoy.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything from this awesome show. It is the property of CBS, J.J. Abrams and Jonathan Nolan.

Never Really Alone

Detective Joss Carter found herself sitting on the couch in her apartment as the rain could be heard thudding against the window. Taylor had gone to stay at a friend's house for a couple of days so she had ended up alone again. It isn't like this was the first time for her. There had been many other occasions where Joss preferred to be alone and because of that she would keep people at a distance.

The last couple of weeks though have opened her eyes to the prospect that she had friends that she could rely on when she needed help. All of this eventually came to pass when she had been determined to find Elias and put him behind bars for good. Doing research and making phone calls had warranted some unwanted attention towards her. Joss had known digging into the past would attract the wrong crowd, but she never expected what had happened that night.

While she was running around, trying to deal with Hector and Kovach, somehow one of Elias' men just strolled right through the station and put those flowers on her desk, a symbol of condolences for her 'passing'. Of course she asked anyone that was there if they saw anything, but no one would give her a straight answer. Fusco, who seemed to be busy with his own things, was out on a minor case so he didn't witness anything.

For the first time since her husband died years ago, the aggressive, by the books detective was scared.

She had no one to turn to that she trusted. Despite everything she had felt, she continued on digging further for the truth, hoping with all her might that things might resolve itself. Throughout the day pieces began to fall into place. If not for the help of John who managed to help Ms. Kovach before her husband killed her, the fear that she had for the emotional distraught wife would have came to pass. Then his concern shifted to her as he warned her about Hector's gun running business and the attempts at her life.

Despite threatening him with being arrested, she couldn't help but find herself secretly grateful because she was moments away from heading in blind and possibly getting more then she bargained for. Before she had gone in for the bust, she made sure to have her vest on, the warning John gave her creeping into her mind.

Everything went smoothly as Joss planted a bullet in Hector's shoulder to stop him from escaping and finally got him for the murder of the kid. There was only one more thing that Joss would have to do and then she would head home and see Taylor to make sure he was alright.

She always met with her CI to confirm some information and give him some money for food, but for some reason the hair on the back of Joss' neck began to stand up. He wasn't acting right, seemed a bit too jittery for her liking. Mentioning Elias' name had Joss' ears perk and in the next instant she was caught off guard as a flash erupted in the dark alley. She was pushed back by the high pressure of two bullets punching her in the chest and landed on the cold ash fault.

She couldn't breath and she couldn't call for help. The only thoughts flashing through her mind were of her son and what would happen to him when she was gone. Who would take care of him? How could she have been so irresponsible as to not think that Elias' influence could affect even the most genuine of people? She watched as the barrel of the gun point at her head and she braced herself for the shot.

The sounds that erupted came from a different direction and she watched as her CI crumbled to the ground. She quickly opened her jacket to cool down the still burning bullets that managed to pierce the vest right where her heart was. He had been speaking to her and it took all her strength just to keep her view focus and try to make out any of John's feature. "Whether you like me or not Joss, you're not alone." That was really the only thing that she had remembered clearly.

It had been weeks since that had happened and not only had she healed up, Joss had begun to work with them. Despite the small fallout that had happened from John giving up Moretti away to Elias, he had still been there for her when her son had ended up in danger. Joss needed to take a break to wrap her mind around what had happened and here she found herself on the couch, alone.

The loneliness used to be bearable. Guys always looked at her differently in her department and when she served because all she wanted to do was the right thing. The end result always had her making enemies of people she thought she could trust. The track record was as long a criminal's rap sheet how many times this has happened to her and left her in the position she was in. In the end, the only people that she could really trust were Fusco, Finch and the vigilante whom she was indebted to.

The exasperated sigh that Joss let out seemed to echo off the walls, hammering the fact home that she was by herself. She looked at the clock on the wall. It was too late to go out, but for her it was also too early to go to bed. She found herself at an impasse with nothing to do and unsure of her next move. Before she could formulate a plan, there was a soft knocking coming from her door. Confused as to who would come around this time of night, Joss made sure to get her second pistol that she kept by the door.

Checking to make sure it was ready; she removed the safety and put it behind her back. Stretching slightly to reach the peephole, she felt herself being thrown in a loop when she saw no other then John Reese on the other side. Feeling the frustration and bit of humor that always came when she saw him, Joss reapplied the safety and put the gun back in its place. She undid the lock and opened the door, greeting her vigilante with a small smile. "And what do I owe the pleasure of your company Mr. Reese?"

"Good evening Detective, I thought that I would keep you company while your son was away." _How does he always know when I want to see him? _She couldn't deny his request as she back away from the door to let him in. This was not the first time he had seen her home, but she came to enjoy his visits because of how rare they were. "You don't need to make excuses if you need help with a new case John." she said as she took his designer coat and hung it next to the door.

It became a frequent comment when she met up with him because Joss knew that she had become an asset to them because of her position in the department and that would be the main reason behind their frequent meetings. "Not at all, like I said before I wanted to just keep you company." She watched him take a seat on the single chair and could see him visibly relax. She walked around and sat a few feet away. "Great way to make a girl feel special visiting her in the middle of the night with her being a cop and all" she commented as she let her shoulders slump down slightly. "So I take it that you had a late night Detective" he asked.

She looked down and remembered that she had not changed out of her clothes to relax. "Well that guy that you brought in was a stubborn one. He wouldn't confess even with all the evidence you got on him and then had the nerve to ask for his lawyer." She balled up her hand and propped it up on the arm of the couch to use as a table for her chin. "The phone call took forever and when the lawyer finally shows up, he tells the guy that he can't help him. I had to stay with him the entire time and I just got back about an hour ago."

She noticed a small frown form on his face. "I'm sorry." She was caught a bit off guard, which only he could seem to do to her. "Huh? It's not your fault. In fact, if it hadn't been for you, I might have had to do another all-nighter so I owe you another one." He put on that playful smirk. "You can repay me with a drink." She gave him a nod and got up to head to the kitchen. "I take it you want a beer" she asked as she reached into her fridge to take out two cold bottles.

Taking one in each hand, she went back and handed John his as she walked by and took the same seat as before. Unscrewing the tops, the two tipped the bottles to each other and took a swig. Joss found herself smiling at what they were doing. This was how the visits always turned into. He would come over to ask her how the latest number went when he brought it in and she would entertain him with bits and pieces of the wrap up.

"Aren't you worried that I'm going to take all the credit for all the guys that you stop?" John acted nonchalant towards the remark. "I'm not doing this for some sort of recognition Carter. I just want to protect people just like you."

"So you say," she said with a chuckle.

"So where is the guy now?" John asked, continuing the conversation.

"He's behind bars waiting to be moved. Nothing else to it and there is no question that the guy is guilty. I only wish they were all this easy."

John knew exactly where she was getting at. "Still worried about Elias?" Joss didn't physically respond to the question but said, "I'm just not sure that we are safe even though he's in jail. Moretti and his son die only a few hours after he had been moved so someone gave him a way to contact someone despite the order I gave them." John put the half of the bottle on the table as he tried to come up with a plan. "Well Elias still doesn't have everything yet. There is still one Don that he hasn't gotten to yet."

Joss nodded to confirm this. "We've got surveillance on him constantly, but I don't know who I can trust in the precinct."

"You can trust me Detective." She smiled to him.

"Of course I can. You don't have to follow the law so you can operate in a way criminals don't expect. After you saved me and Taylor, did you not think I trusted you again?" He shrugged his shoulders. "I know that you wouldn't talk to me after Moretti went missing because of me."

"Well the cop that was watching him is fine now and after thinking about it, I do understand why you had no choice after all." She pulled her legs under her body to get more comfortable.

"I guess we're in the same boat when it comes to trust. If I had reported the baby missing, there would have been no way we would have found her before she had been taken out of the country. I'm not saying that I liked the fact that you felt like you had to go to Elias for help, but I understand. The only people that I feel like I can trust now are Fusco, your little friend, and you." The playful smile was back. "Well Detective, I guess we're in the same boat with our small circle of friends but at least we're not alone."

There it was again.

The word seemed less menacing every time he would say it. "Well I hope that we can stop his plan for an all-out war." She picked up her beer, John mimicking her. "That way there will be one less hassle on our hands," he added as they chinked the tops of their beers in a toast and drunk whatever was left. With bottles empty, John put his on the table and stood up. Joss had seen this plenty of times and knew that he had to go without uttering a word.

She put her beer down too and escorted him to the door. She always felt a pang of sadness when he left, but kept it to herself because with him just being here felt encouraging to her in a sense that it made the loneliness more bearable. John grabbed his coat and met Joss at the door. "Thanks for the drink and hospitality Detective." She undid the lock and opened the door for him. "Well I could have been rude and pretended I was not home." Before he walked out he said, "That would never happen. You would miss me too much."

They shared a laugh as he went through the door. "Goodnight Detective" he said turning to go downstairs. "See you bright and early tomorrow. You owe me breakfast." He waved lazily in acknowledgement to her as he headed out the front door to who knows where. Joss closed the door and reapplied the lock. Looking back to her apartment, it didn't have the same depressing atmosphere that was hovering around it before.

This was the way that it always was after one of John's visit and she could feel herself getting tired. She headed to the bathroom to finally change into her tank top and drawstring pants. Making her way to bed, she pulled back the thick covers and slipped underneath. When her head hit the pillow, her eyes quickly started to slump. The last thought that grazed by her brain was something that she noticed recently.

Whenever John left, she would feel tired and ultimately fall asleep when moments ago she couldn't figure out what to do to pass the time and ease her restlessness. She realized that it was his lingering presence, the scent of his cologne that hovered in the air that comforted her during these times. On some nights, she imagined that he could have stayed the night with them together on the couch with his strong arms wrapped around her body as she went to sleep.

No one outside of their little circle could know about them or this relationship that had developed because of how society would frown on it. She was a cop first and foremost and in reality, John was a criminal who she had started to chase months ago. She should have put him behind bars months ago, but she soon found herself enjoying the little game they had started to play. After months of the cat and mouse game, it became easier to see him as something different then the usual bad guy. He became someone that was better then them.

His moral compass was pointing him down the same path that hers always had been. Who knows? Maybe one day, they could be seen in public together without the fear of someone potentially aiming at the bull's eye on John's back. Maybe one of these days, she can be alone with him like tonight and tell him how she really felt about him. For now, Joss would be content with what she had now and maybe when the time was right and the chaos of the world finally died down, the loneliness would finally disappear for good.

A/N: This is my first written POI story. I have been watching the show since the beginning and fell in love with it and found myself reading plenty of stories on the site. I even decided to make a community for this couple. I hope that you enjoy reading it because I had a blast writing this=^_^=


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